I always thought dating a photographer would be cosmically redundant. Then I met HRM and I realized photography could also be the glue that held us together. Our art has always taken pride of place and we support each other through thick and thin. So when HRM was invited to Blue Star Contemporary for an important exhibition of her work, there was no question in my mind that she should be there to install and open the show.
In practice, this meant that she would leave the twins for the first time in fifteen months. Left unsaid, but possibly of equal importance, was the fact that papi would take care of them on his own while she was away: feed them, bathe them, keep them happy and well. HRM cried when she left for LGA and she cried every time she saw Luca and Olin on Skype. The twins would laugh and kiss the screen of my phone when they saw her on the other end. For the most part they were perfect angels the four days she was away. Luca would ask for mami a couple of times a day and cry a bit when he realized she wasn’t there. Olin is more reserved with his emotions and mostly kept it all in. On the fourth day however, he went and stood silently by the front door, staring at it. After a while, he turned around, found my eyes and asked for her. I could see the pain in his face and I explained - again - why mami had to leave for a few days and promised she would come back that night.
HRM arrived after they had gone to sleep. We decided it would be best if they saw her in the morning. But while I was getting ready for bed, Olin cried and HRM went in to soothe him. When he realized it was her, there were tears of relief… and anger. There was confusion too, as if he was unsure if this was real or a dream. Luca woke up and soon they were both sobbing uncontrollably. Even though they wanted to be held, they averted their eyes from her and looked away. Hurt. It took us a long time to calm them down. The next morning, awake and refreshed, they bounced back. Olin ran around pointing at HRM and then at me, calling us out, over and over again, celebrating our reunion. Luca was blissful too. Last summer, when I was forced to be away for weeks at a time, it was probably hardest on me. They babies were just happy to see me again. But their sense of time has evolved and the complexity of their emotions has deepened as well. Also, it’s different when babies are separated from their primary caregiver, which in our household is HRM. They feel their trust has been broken in a fundamental way.
As I weighed all of this in my mind, I couldn’t help but think of migrant infants, not much older than Olin and Luca, separated from both their parents by cold, unfeeling beaurocrats at the border; grief-stricken children left utterly alone and hopeless. They are put in cages. The damage to their psyche seems catastrophic, incalculable to me, their wounds indelible. As a country, we have failed them, even though they are not our own.